This month: “A Woman Under the Influence”, “All About My Mother”, “American Graffiti”, “Assassination of a High School President”, “Badlands”, “Blue Valentine”, “Broadcast News”, “Crimewave”, “Days of Heaven”, “Enter the Void”, “Following”, “Howard Stern’s Private Parts”, “Lost and Delirious”, “Morning Glory”, “Never Let Me Go”, “Paul”, “Rashomon”, “The Switch”, “Talk to Her”, “Tamara Drewe”, “This is England”, “Tokyo Story”, “True Grit”, “Unmade Beds” and “Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown”.
This month, the average rating is 6.08/10, and the film of the month is “Days of Heaven”.
I’ve spent the last seven hours listen to heavy drone metal. I’m not really enjoying it, but I think that’s the point.
A Woman Under the Influence (1974) – 5/10
A Woman Under the Influence is the kind of film you really love or really hate. Yet, impossibly, I’m in neither category.
All About My Mother (1999) – 5.5/10
A flashy soap opera with the dramatic qualities of a train conductor announcing a death on the tracks. “All a-bored!”
American Graffiti (1973) – 4/10
This is my first George Lucas film. Star Wars can wait.
American Graffiti is a goofy coming-of-age tale about teenage slackers and their “crazy” escapades one night. You get what is says on the tin (apart from any American graffiti), but pales in comparison with Dazed and Confused and subUrubia.
It is rumoured that the new Star Wars film has been cancelled because of a power cut, so George Lucas is doing that thing with a wire and a potato.
Assassination of a High School President (2008) – 5/10
Setting a neo-noir mystery in an American high school isn’t a wholly original idea. It’s already been done in Brick, Veronica Mars and many sitcoms. Assassination of a High School President brings a slight twist by using more direct references to existing classics – this dive for originality backfires, and helps explain why the film was a straight-to-DVD release.
For example, if you’re familiar with the film Chinatown, you can guess the ending. And, by the way, the Faye Dunaway role is filled by Mischa Barton. Elsewhere, the jokes mostly fall flat through poor timing. The assassination of Kennedy is re-enacted with a paintball gun, but the sequence feels longer than Reagan’s residency.
Badlands (1973) – 6/10
In Terrence Malick’s debut feature film, Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek play a murderous couple on the run. Instead of a traditional run-panic-shoot formula, Malick uses a dry, lonely setting. The main couple feel mostly alone, but are careful not to discuss Sheen’s sheer pleasure at shooting a man in the heart. In fact, he can’t even explain his actions, and thinks it’s ‘bad luck’ to even mention it.
With this empty voyage, Badlands occasionally swings from poetry into simply just waiting for a murder. Perhaps to compensate for the lull at the end of the second act, Malick introduces social commentary into the final act with Sheen enjoying the media attention – he gives himself up on purpose, tossing his comb to the audience – but it shoves Badlands into an eponymous area.
Blue Valentine (2010) – 3/10
Too many close-ups of actors improvising a relationship between two emotionally inept “characters”, with a bizarre end credits sequence that ruins what little was built up. Ryan Gosling had to break instructions and threaten to jump off a bridge to stir any excitement, but it ends up being a blue-par valentine.
Broadcast News (1987) – 7/10
The most crucial element of Broadcast News is Holly Hunter. She walks and talks, constantly, but with considerably more pizzazz than anyone else on screen. Holly Hunter walks and talks like Aaron Sorkin’s ideal woman. Fittingly, Hunter is a news producer, marching from presenter to editor, shouting orders, in-between five-second phone calls with Albert Brooks.
The office becomes rocked when William Hurt steps in as a famous sports reporter entering the world of serious news. He lacks political knowledge, and relies on Holly Hunter to feed him, word-by-word, through an earpiece. He uses this experience as an opportunity to use a chat-up line on her afterwards about wanting her voice inside his head all the time, and this is the beginning of the film’s downward spiral.
Crimewave (1985) – 5/10
The Coens and Sam Raimi collaborated for the screenplay of The Hudsucker Proxy, which is one of my favourite films. However, the “demo” version was Crimewave, an overly fond pastiche of slapstick and screwball comedy. The essence of Crimewave is destructed by its self-awareness – a lesson learned, as seen in the interior mechanics of The Hudsucker Proxy – whilst lacking the relentless of Raimi’s own Evil Dead trilogy.
Days of Heaven (1978) – 9/10
Legend has it – or, what I read on Wikipedia – that Terence Malick took two years to edit Days of Heaven, and it shows. The cinematography is so beautiful that an art gallery – or, at the very least, a tumblr – could be made from still photographs from the film. The camera controls the essence, but is moved by trains, the sun and whatever music is being played in the background. There is sunlight, but the world could collapse on Richard Gere at any moment, and only he and I know it.
Linda Manz – yes, the girl sampled in Primal Scream’s “Kill All Hippies” – narrates Days of Heaven. The simple plot involves a couple who pretend to be brother and sister, to avoid gossip, become labourers on the run. They hatch a scheme that involves a wealthy, dying farmer, which creates a love triangle – as opposed to a Toblerone, which is just a lovely triangle. However, the real story is how poetry can be created from a catharsis of sunburn and lovelorn wheat.
Enter the Void (2009) – 7.5/10
Despite the sugary opening credits, Enter the Void is an extremely unpleasant way to spend three hours. It was, in many ways, a reminder of the worst moments of my life that never actually happened.
After a less-than-subtle introduction of the values of The Tibetan Book of the Dead, the bland protagonist is killed in a drugs raid. However, he floats around as a spirit, watching his sister and some other things. We are taken along this slow and visually enthralling journey, but it’s a bit like listening to a really beautiful person telling you about what they dreamt of last night – you don’t care, but you don’t mind looking. Well, if you’re a sociopath.
Good film.
Following (1998) – 3/10
Christopher Nolan’s debut feature, Following, is a low-budget neo-noir thriller that jumps in a non-chronological order. The gritty black-and-white is accompanied by a sputtering soundtrack and amateur actors who indulge Nolan’s screenplay. Like many films Nolan would later direct, Following tries to be as complicated as possible, but the final twist doesn’t pay off. Instead, you’re left with the earliest evidence that Nolan’s ambitions are probably greater than his writing talents.
Howard Stern’s Private Parts (1997) – 6/10
I don’t know how familiar you are with Howard Stern. Over here, in England, people are aware of the massive influence his radio show has in America. However, not so many of us have actually heard of him. Apart from a few losers with too much time. Like this person. Writing right now. On his own. In the middle of the night. Drinking whisky. Trying to remember why I watched this film.
Howard Stern is a horrible person. He is racist, misogynistic, sexist, arrogant and, I repeat: a horrible person. He also plays himself in Private Parts, a biography of his own rise to fame in radio. Tellingly, there is a moment when executives discover Stern’s most loyal listeners are people who hate him, but want to know what he will say next. I guess I’m one of those people because the main obstacle for me to become a regular listener is how difficult it is to listen to his terrible show.
The main selling point of the radio show is the celebrity interviews, in which Stern asks the same questions over and over again, so much so that the interviewee eventually gives in. This is a remarkable talent, especially listening to audio of famously private figures like David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld slowly losing their temper with someone they don’t want to castigate because of his listening figures. But none of that’s in the film – it’s just an unfunny man making unfunny jokes, and here I am, writing about it, wondering why my life can’t be even a fraction as successful as his.
Lost and Delirious (2001) – 6/10
I watched Lost and Delirious by accident. I actually expected to be watching Delirious, a Tom DiCillo film starring Steve Buscemi. Instead I ended up seeing a coming-of-age lesbian love story based on a novel called The Wives of Bath that involves broken mirrors, gardening and a vicious bird that eats worms. Not what I was expecting, but at least I didn’t end up with a JJ Abrahams drama set on an island.
(A lie – I watched this on purpose).
Morning Glory (2010) – 6.5/10
Rachel McAdams is a wannabe journalist. Hey, who isn’t? Anyway, she anchors a trashy morning television show helmed by Diane Keaton and Harrison Ford, which she wants to succeed. Hey, who doesn’t? At the same time, she battles her affections from a man who appears in the story just because he happens to be in the same building. And there you have Morning Glory –an amusing struggle to manage Harrison Ford’s ego, sidelined by a superfluous romance on the side to please the quota of viewers expecting a “fluffy” comedy.
Never Let Me Go (2010) – 8/10
“None of you will go to America. None of you will working in supermarkets. None of you will do anything, except live the life that has already been set out for you. You will become adults, but only briefly.”
I read the novel of Never Let Me Go a few years ago, and it really dragged – and not just because of the oncoming force velocity – so much so, that it takes an age for the ‘twist’ to be revealed. In the film adaptation, the ‘twist’ is reveals in the first few seconds, subtitled, just in case you’re too stupid to understand any other method of exposition. This might hark accusations of ‘dumbing down’, especially as not even the book’s blurb gives anything away, but it is much more effective.
In the dystopia of Never Let Me Go, the narrative focuses on a school of children raised so that they can eventually donate their vital organs. There is an art gallery which the teachers hope will prove they have a soul – a nice idea, but my English Literature and Creative Writing degree provided contrary evidence, in my case.
There are certain elements that don’t completely make sense. For instance, who pays and organises the clones? And, although they have a bracelet to scan, why do we see no attempts to escape? Perhaps the biggest question raised: is this the first decent acting performance by Keira Knightly? Given that Natalie Portman has also surprised the world by not being dreadful in Black Swan, I have high hopes for Katie Holmes and Alexis Bledel challenging for Oscars in 2013 – a dystopia slightly less frightening that Never Let Me Go.
Paul (2011) – 5.5/10
Paul is written by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. That may seem like a strange sentence to start a review, but that’s the only reason why 90% of audiences flocked to see a film with such a moronic plot.
One would assume Pegg and Frost wanted a cult hit, based on their superb collaborations in the past: Spaced, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Unfortunately, Paul very much feels like a deliberately mainstream comedy. They even admitted in interviews that edgier material was ruled out and replaced by simpler lines. The jokes are extremely repetitive and aimed at the common denominator, which means the common denominator is constantly aimed at with extremely repetitive jokes, extremely repetitive, extremely repetitive jokes. Or catchphrases, if you can still remember them.
And you wonder why Simon Pegg could be so desperate to trash his own credibility in order to make money at the box office. He co-created Spaced. I love Spaced! Then I remembered the Spaced box sets. Do you realise how many times they’ve re-released different collector’s editions of a sitcom with only two shows? And they’ve done it repeatedly with different commentaries by the same people? He’s been in it for the money since the very beginning.
Rashomon (1950) – 8/10
In Rashomon, the early scenes are played out with a serene headache – rain scatters across a confused man, and no one sings, “Hallelujah.” We are treated to four different accounts of the events that led to a dead body in the forest. Of course, these contradictory narratives prove you can’t rely on one person alone, so what’s the point of you reading this review?
The Switch (2010) – 6/10
Well, The Switch is sort-of a fucked up version of a mainstream romcom, but it still has all the crucial elements: predictably happy ending, and Jennifer Aniston. The plot also involves a child’s head full of lice, which reminds me: my head is full of lies.
Talk to Her (2002) – 7.5/10
I’ve spent the last three months writing a screenplay called Highlights From Our Fate about a coma victim. I haven’t written much of it, partly because I’m slow, but I’m concerned about how scientifically inaccurate it is. While You Were Sleeping and Seinfeld aren’t too concerned with science – a finger moves, the eyes awake, and it’s the perfect romantic encounter. But not Talk to Her.
In Talk to Her, the coma isn’t a plot point, but a symbol. A male healthcare work falls in love with a comatose dancer, and tries to live the life she would have wanted – he visits museums and theatres. Despite some quirky camera techniques and fantasy sequences, Talk to Her aims for a certain degree of realism with its subject matter, and does so with occasional moments of dialogue where doctors will explain the science of comas. In researching my own screenplay, I had a quick look on Yahoo Answers, and most of the best received responses are transcriptions from Talk to Her.
There is some black comedy in Talk to Her, although the storyline’s darker side is so gloriously disturbing that I’m not sure if it would have been improved by having two characters called Camille and Leon, then changing the title to Coma. So it would become Coma: Camille and Leon. Like the Culture Club song. “Karma Chameleon”. Oh, forget it.
Tamara Drewe (2010) – 4.5/10
At the end of the first series of The Walking Dead, the most remarkable aspect of the trash zombie drama is that you can’t remember any of the character’s names. I felt similarly about Tamara Drewe and wonder if the title is to say: look, we know, but at least follow this character, as a compromise.
Tamara Drewe is quite similar to the novel One Day, mainly because of how sleazy affairs happen purely for the sake of plot progression. Why mention One Day? Because there’s a film version coming out, and I wanted to warn you beforehand – I read as much of the book as I could handle, and I would advise staying away.
Tamara Drewe stops after 110 times, not because of a rightful conclusion, but for the reason that the director thought that seems a normal time for a film. Just like how this review is stopping here.
This is England (2006) – 7.5/10
I saw this months ago, but forgot to review it. I also can’t remember anything about it, other than I wanted to give it 8/10. I’ve knocked the score down as the film clearly wasn’t ‘unforgettable’.
Tokyo Story (1953) – 7.5/10
In Youth in Revolt, Michael Cera lies and name drops Tokyo Story because he wants to sleep with a film geek. Hello, female readers. I kid, I kid.
The camera barely moves in Tokyo Story, and neither does the plot. This doesn’t really matter as the film’s essence lies in the placid lines of dialogue that remind me of nightmares I had after drinking too much coca cola on a Thursday afternoon.
“I’m glad we’re still here. The world has changed so.”
“But you haven’t changed at all.”
The urgency of a Japan’s new generation of workers contrasts with the patient black-and-white drops of eerie space, where cupboards have been dusted, but still remain empty. Your heart breaks when you see the older generation feel left out, because you see your past, present and future in front of you.
“Isn’t life disappointing?”
“Yes, it is.”
True Grit (2010) – 7.5/10
If you want an engrossing amalgamation of Paper Moon and Winter’s Bone, then you might like True Grit. It might be hard to work out what Jeff Bridges is saying, but I’m fairly certain insults sound better in a southern accent.
True Grit is a wonderful remake that truly deserves critical analysis, so the worst way to review it would be to rank what I’ve seen of the Coen brothers’ filmography. I’m sure that the Coens would be heartbroken to find out how often their productive and satisfying career is often reduced to a list.
Well, anyway: 1) The Hudsucker Proxy 2) Barton Fink 3) Fargo 4) The Big Lebowski 5) No Country For Old Men 6) O Brother Where Art Thou 7) True Grit 8) A Serious Man 9) Raising Arizona 10) Miller’s Crossing 11) Blood Simple 12) Intolerable Cruelty 13) Crimewave 14) Burn After Reading
Unmade Beds (2009) – 7.5/10
“Do you have any secrets?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever told anyone any of them?”
“No. They’re secrets.”
That is an example of the meandering dialogue featured in Unmade Beds that you probably recognise from countless other films, and possibly from the emptiest, loneliest parts of your drunken memory. So why does it work in Unmade Beds?
The cut-up style of Unmade Beds is a reminder of the vacuous nature of life – as if you could ever forget – and this is, probably unintentionally, helped with the screenplay’s corridor of vague mattress metaphors. You end up with that dizzy feeling you get when you wake up from a gorgeous dream you can’t really remember. Or, I was drunk when I watched this, and I couldn’t really remember what happened when I woke up the next day.
Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988) – 4/10
Perspicacious readers will realise that I would have difficulty understanding Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios, but I was lucky enough to find a version subtitles. Sadly, the DVD wasn’t the edition that makes you laugh or keeps you awake.
